Mam’s Haemorrhagic Stroke and Our Hospital Experience

Posted by admin on September 22nd, 2010 under Gerihood  •  Comments Off

from JC

On Tuesday morning last week my mother was transported from our house to Day Kimball Hospital by EMT Services (thanks again to the Muddy Brook Fire Department and the EMT guys and gals). After a CAT scan she was diagnosed with a bleeding (haemorrhagic) stroke in the center of her brain. The emergency physician let me know that my mother’s condition was serious and that she may not have long to live. He said that neurosurgery could be done but we both agreed that you do not do this to a 91 year old patient who has already exhibited senility. He also mentioned that a “social worker” would meet with me soon to explain the options for my mother.

My mother was placed in a ward with a case manager. Our mind-set at the time was that she would die in a few days and that she would not leave the hospital. However, on the second day at 9PM I was called to the hospital because she had opened her eyes and was awake. This was the last time I was able to speak to her and receive a response although she could not speak. I had begun the practice of going to the hospital in the morning then leaving for work for a few hours and then returning in the late afternoon.

I was still uncertain what was going to happen as it seemed that my mother had leveled off a little bit. On the third day (Thursday), I went to the nurse at the desk and mentioned that I was told there would be a “social worker” who would meet with me to discuss “options”. I was told “That’s the Case Manager!” I had met this person in my mother’s room but I was uncertain what her role was. It turns out that the case manager (CM) is responsible for arranging for the patient to leave the hospital (and as soon as possible). When I approached this CM about this, I was told that “I am trying to work something out.”
On Friday I had an important job to complete with a client in California and planned to meet with the client at noon. In mid-morning I received a call from the CM who told me that my mother had to leave the hospital because she had had her “three days” and would qualify for coverage in a nursing home. I was asked for three nursing homes as my preferences and I chose the three closest to Woodstock. I then reiterated that my mother has no coverage beyond Medicare and little cash in the bank. There was never a time when the “options” were explained. The CM was still “trying to work something out” with the nursing homes. This, I found out, only required a phone call and the ward was more than half empty. When at the hospital, I noticed the CM opining about being ‘on overload’ more than once. It was my impression that the CM was incapable of cutting to the chase and by the forth day (Friday) we had never had that get-together to discuss the options. The few brief conversations we had were more confusing than informative. I noted to Becki that people working in the hospital were poor communicators who spoke in their own lingo about medical and policy practices that I had no experience with.

During that phone call on Friday morning the CM also said that I needed to talk to ‘T’, the Medicaid specialist at the hospital. Five minutes later I received a call from T who had all of the answers. In order for me to file an application for Medicaid, I needed to have a picture ID, a Social Security card, and three years of bank statements. The word “liens” was mentioned although I don’t remember the context. This conversation rattled me, so I zipped an email off to my lawyer. My lawyer got back to me with “Stay away from Medicaid.” Medicaid attaches all assets of the nursing home candidate to guarantee that ‘the best’ nursing care can be paid for. This is, of course, how room and board can be paid for at a nursing home if the patient stays for a long time at $6000 a month and higher (sky’s the limit). Read the rest of this entry »

Carpe Diem … or Carpe Diaper!

Posted by admin on August 17th, 2010 under Gerihood  •  Comments Off

Mam and Da have been with us for a year now. I’ve been reflecting on what has transpired and I’m overwhelmed somewhat. Most of the time it is as though there was never a ‘before’. I’ve gotten beyond the initial “oh-my-god-what-the-hell?” and settled into an acquiescence that, while comfortable, is depressingly predictable with spattering moments of entertaining blood pressure elevations.

Jace and I have settled into a relatively unchallenged rhythm of care for Mam and Da. JC still wants to do the lion’s share of the evening chores, worried about me ‘burning out’. I, from the opposing position, worry that the stress will wear him out. We have both wondered aloud what it will be like to be ‘us’ when this is all said and done. Read the rest of this entry »

Today Didn’t Stand a Chance

Posted by Beckle on July 31st, 2010 under Caretakers, Gerihood  •  Comments Off

Today didn’t stand a chance… not a chance

I had to get up early to get to the lab at the hospital for bloodwork. It’s not that having to do that is really difficult, its just a challenge to have to go without any of the normal morning rituals (aside from brushing my teeth) for the fear of compromising my fasting status. The lab opens at seven, so I set my alarm for 6:30 AM (there was a cat incident at 5:15 and the dog started crying around 5:30… so the whole 6:30 plan was moot) – the plan being to just get up, throw on some clothes and beat feet for the lab. I even brought along my book to read as a diversion from thinking about what a cup of coffee would taste like. Everything went fine and I was on my way back home by eight. (well, there were minor inconveniences like having to wait to check in surrounded by an army of like-minded individuals, all of them fasting… a fact that makes ANY social interactions a challenge)

When I got home, JC was ready to get his shower out of the way, but had been waiting for my arrival so he could hand off the ’supervisory baton’. He has his regular Saturday morning chores which include the procurement of Mam and Da’s weekly supplies and then the normal things he does for us. I don’t think he was out of the driveway before I heard unusual conversation coming from Mam and Da’s room. I couldn’t actually hear what was being said… it was the tone/pitch of the voices that had me on alert. And, unusual because the first thing Da does every morning is to come out to get the paper and wonder if there is any coffee. He’s always so surprised that there is. Read the rest of this entry »

A Sudden Change in Pattern

Posted by admin on June 16th, 2010 under Gerihood  •  Comments Off

by JC (if I sound like a dazed robot, this is how I feel)

We’ve been doing this since August 10th, 10 months and 6 days in the Gerihood. Early in this experience we established a specific schedule so that Mam and Da would get consistent service and we would know when we were free to live our own lives (well not completely). So up until Memorial Day weekend we had been 293 days straight in the Gerihood. This equates to the following:

879 meals (breakfast, lunch, dinner without missing one) with breakfast shortly after they get out of bed, lunch at noon, and dinner at 6PM (mostly Beckle and JC with some help from the morning homecare nurse;

582 desserts served after lunch and dinner (all Beckle and JC);

291 coffees and 291 teas served with cakes/breads after their nap at about 4PM (afternoon home care nurse on weekdays, Beckle and JC on weekends);

291 glasses of beer for Da served just before lunch (all Beckle and JC);

582 vodkas served 15-30 minutes prior to dinner (all Beckle and JC);

879 servings of prescriptions (morning at breakfast and late afternoon at tea time and then just before bed for Mam; usually home care nurse with Beckle and JC on weekends and for the night pills all Beckle and JC);

5 loads of laundry plus or minus 1 or 2 each week depending on the frequency of incontinence (mostly Beckle with some help from the two home care nurses);

approximately 35 trips to the market to purchase Mam and Da’s food and liquor for the week (all JC);

and… approximately 42 shampoos of their bedroom rug because of incontinence (all JC).

In the last three to four months they have also been subjected to baths after breakfast by a visiting nurse once a week on Thursdays. And the toenail lady comes ever other month.

During the last eight months Da has received an anti-psychotic drug and a senile dementia drug in the morning and at tea time, and Mam continued to receive just the senile dementia drug at a lower dose in addition to synthroid, an anti-agitation drug to help her sleep through the night and then, since mid-March, a muscle relaxant to help relieve neck pain.

Then on Saturday, May 29th of Memorial Day weekend, things changed. Read the rest of this entry »

And… the Grey Continues

Posted by Beckle on June 13th, 2010 under Gerihood  •  Comments Off

I should be quilting but I just can’t. My creativity right now is about a zero, minus two. Its grey outside with the prospect of continuing showers and I’m looking at another suffocating day in the Gerihood. I guess I’m just depressed about the whole situation with Mam and Da. My house reeks of ‘au de ancients’ – a stale, somewhat rancid odor tinged with scents of urine and feces that seems to pervade my home. Read the rest of this entry »

Bent or Broken… Only Time Will Tell

Posted by Beckle on May 29th, 2010 under Caretakers, Gerihood  •  Comments Off

10.05.29 – Memorial Day Weekend

Life bends us. Sometimes, it breaks us. In either case, life leaves us different people as we work through our personal events.

Some days I’m just lost. I mean life is coming at me so fast that I don’t get the time to check in with myself, to find that quiet moment to poke and prod my soul. Before Mam and Da moved in with us I quite enjoyed who I was and was finally comfortable in my own skin. Now, things have changed and so have I.

I feel like most of the time I have my nose to the grindstone. I’m just getting through whatever task I am engaged in. I still have those jeweled moments of joy, but they are less powerful in their ability to sustain me. I have contracted the scope of my life in an effort to manage my energy and stress. Doing that also has limited the opportunities and benefits of community. Read the rest of this entry »

Ties that Bind

Posted by Beckle on February 25th, 2010 under Gerihood  •  Comments Off

I have the good fortune to be married to a man I love deeply and who adores me as well. Were it not for that fact alone, I would never have been able to consider bringing Mam and Da into our home. Jace and I are a team and being together in the gerihood helps immensely in dealing with the very different direction our lives have taken since last August.

Sometime, early last November (back when caning was a crisp memory and constant consideration), JC suggested that I take a trip to visit my family back on the West Coast during February break. Initially, I felt resistant to the idea. Then after mulling it over for a few days, I decided to take advantage of my husband’s effort to give me a break from the gerihood. I did have some concerns about leaving him alone to fend for Mam and Da (and to fend off their often overwhelming fussing/intrusions/obstinacy). Read the rest of this entry »

An Invitation to the Dark Side

Posted by Beckle on January 11th, 2010 under Caretakers  •  Comments Off

I tend to be pretty even-keeled and generally can find humor in even the most stressful situations. Though JC and I are caring for his parents, we are each on our own journey through this as well.

As I’ve said before Mam and Da don’t really care for me. I seem to be such a source of irritation and aggravation that I avoid interacting with them as much as I can. Mam can go into an absolute fit if she even hears my voice… even when I’m not in the room with her. Da will call me names to my face, but for the most part, he saves it to share with the homemakers. He doesn’t call them names, he refers to me with his pets names and this makes most of them quite uncomfortable. So, there is this nasty background static energy. Read the rest of this entry »

Photos of Young Mam

Posted by admin on January 1st, 2010 under Gerihood  •  Comments Off

from JC

On her wedding day in August 1940 just before her 21st birthday and later in the mid-50s at my aunt’s wedding reception in our backyard.
Wedding dayMam mid 50s

OMG!!! Heater Failure!

Posted by Beckle on December 27th, 2009 under Caretakers, Gerihood  •  Comments Off

December 24th, its the first day of Christmas Vacation and I slept in until 6:30. Bleary-eyed, I got up and immediately tripped over the day’s first problem. JC was just coming down from his shower and announced that the propane heater was off and the temperature on Mam and Da’s sun porch was 56º. Yikes!

JC had already turned on the electric heater and checked the propane tank (The gauge on the tank was reading something that wasn’t easily understandable, but could have been interpreted to be empty). It didn’t make sense that the tank would be empty because we got a delivery a couple of days ago. To bolster that sensibility was that the propane stove top was functioning. Both appliances run off the same tank, so it is only reasonable to conclude the tank was not empty.

JC called the propane company and left a message. He selected the non-emergency line because, well it won’t be an emergency until Mam and Da get up. We got the second electric heater set up and hoped for lots of sunshine to help. So, we had two oscillating electric heaters and two electric radiators running. JC went to work early so he could call the propane company as soon as they opened. Since I wasn’t driving he was able to leave before our morning help arrived.

Originally, my plans had been to get out and get those last few things that we would need over the holiday early while our morning homemaker, Angel, was on duty and then spend a couple of hours with my girlfriend while Maddy, our afternoon help was on duty. Well, sh** happens… AND in my experience it usually happens when you think you are maxed out and can take no more… WRONG!!! Read the rest of this entry »